You know exactly what this has to do with IndyCar.
2021 NTT #DefyEverything Series Round 5 of 16: GMR Grand Prix of Indianapolis
Three words: Month. Of. May. Sure, we were racing in Texas on May Day, but every IndyCar aficionado knows that May doesn’t officially begin until we’re Back Home Again in Indiana! In 2020, F1 started in July, NASCAR was racing on Wednesday, there was no Monaco GP–but in 2021, IndyCar is racing at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway in May and all is right with the world. As is tradition in The Golden Era of IndyCar (™ Chip Ganassi), we’re kicking off two of the greatest weeks in racing with... well, a race. Sorta figures, doesn’t it?
Here’s a picture of some IndyCars because I’m rigidly formulaic.
Indianapolis Motor Speedway IndyCar Road Course of Indiana
First IndyCar Race: 2014
Surface: Asphalt with a smackeral of brick
Turns: 14
Track Length: 2.439 mi
Number of Laps: 85
Race Distance: 207.32 mi
Ideal Pit Strategy: the fastest one
Fastest Lap: 1:07.7044, Will Power (2017)
Twitter: --URL::40a78fecea45c9255d8b8f1405aafb70-- @IMS
’Winningest’ Driver: Will Power (x4)
’Winningest’ Team: Team Penske (x7)
’Winningest’ Engine: Chevrolet (x7)
Last Year’s Winners: Scott Dixon, Will Power, and Josef Newgarden
Last Year’s Fastest Lap Speed: 119.115 mi/h (Harvest GP Race 2)
The “When Do I Park My Ass in Front of the TV” Section
A more difficult question to answer than you might imagine, for lo, these times are US Eastern, thus God hath bestowed temporal confusion upon all ye racing-obsessed mortals. But rejoice! Ye all shall also receive an internet time-zone converter. Except Ov. He’s a pagan. (just kidding God loves everyone)
Friday, May 14
07:30 -- Gates Open
08:00 -- Indy Pro 2000 Qualifying
08:35 -- Indy Lights Qualifying 1
09:30 -- NTT IndyCar Series Practice 1
10:40 -- USF2000 Race 1
11:45 -- Indy Pro 2000 Race 1
13:00 -- NTT IndyCar Series Practice 2
14:10 -- Indy Lights Race 1
15:25 -- USF2000 Race 2
16:30 -- NTT IndyCar Series Qualifying
Saturday, May 15 (SATURDAY!)
07:50 -- Indy Pro 2000 Race 2
08:00 -- Gates Open (no, this is not a mistake)
08:55 -- Indy Lights Qualifying 2
09:40 -- USF2000 Race 3
10:45 -- NTT Indycar Series Warm-Up
11:40 -- Indy Pro 2000 Race 3
12:45 -- Indy Lights Race 2
14:27 -- Invocation/Anthem Package (it’s America)
14:39 -- “Drivers: START! YOUR!! ENGINES!!!” (yes this is on the official schedule)
14:45 -- NTT IndyCar Series GMR Grand Prix
Full schedule link --URL::bf1637c6e942f10f2ca3d126afa6ccda-- here.
TV Guide
North American Viewers
US viewers will find this weekend’s race on your local NBC affiliate. Streamers, start your antennae!
Canadian viewers will find this race on SN World, SN Now Plus, or SN 360.
International Viewers
Check --URL::d6120c2fdf8e7eae760d622ef1953d50-- IndyCar’s list of international broadcast partners to figure out how to watch in (almost) every corner of the world. A summary of these broadcast partners is below:
Africa and the Middle East
South Africa - SuperSport World of Champions
Sub-Saharan Africa - SuperSport World of Champions/Canal Plus
All races are also available on DAZN in Algeria, Bahrain, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Palestine, Qatar, and Tunesia.
Asia and Pacific Rim
Japan - Gaora Sports
Myanmar - Canal Plus
Vietnam - K+
All races are also available on either Fox Sports or Star Sports in Brunei, Cambodia, China (mainland), East Timor, Guam, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Laos, Macau, Malaysia, Micronesia, Mongolia, Myanmar, North Korea (yes, they do get IndyCar there), Papua New Guinea, the Phillippines, Singapore, South Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam.
In Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Myanmar, Nepal, Pakistan, and Sri Lanka, you can find IndyCar on Eurosport.
Australia and New Zealand
Australia - Fox Sports
New Zealand - Sky Sport
Europe
Austria - Sport1
Belgium - VOO Sport World
Denmark - Viaplay
Finland - Viaplay
France - Canal+
Germany - DAZN
Hungary - Arena 4
Ireland - Sky Sports F1
Italy - DAZN
Netherlands - Ziggo Sport
Norway - Viaplay
Poland - Eurosport
Portugal - Sport TV
Romania - Sport Extra
Russia - Viasat Sport
Spain - Movistar Plus/Vamos
Sweden - Viaplay
Switzerland - Canal Plus
United Kingdom - Sky Sports F1
All races are also available on DAZN in Albania, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Estonia, Greece, Iceland, Ligthenstein, Malta, Moldova, San Marino, Slovakia, Turkey, and the Vatican (the Pope is absolutely nuts about this).
In Bosnia, Herzegovina, Croatia, Kosovo, North Macedonia, Montenegro, and Slovenia, you can find IndyCar on TV Arena Sport.
Latin America
Brazil - Cultura
Claro Video carries Indycar races in Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, the Dominican Republic, Ecuador, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Mexico, Nicaragua, Panama, and Peru.
In Antigua and Barbuda, the Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Bolivia, Cuba, Dominica, Grenada, Haiti, Jamaica, St. Kitts and Nevis, St. Lucia, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Suraname, Trinidad and Tobago, and Venezuela, you can find IndyCar on DAZN.
Deep in the Heart of Texas
You’d all be sick of me by now if I wasn’t informative. Hell, you’re probably sick of me anyway! But while I do my best to land all the weekend’s hottest storylines and raciest details right in your lap (ooooh), I know full well you’d rather have someone like Robin Miller put them there. Alas, I am not 70+ years old, nor am I from Indiana, nor do I have a bushy white mustache, nor do I spend hours every week answering e-mails from wackos on internet forums, but being the wrong person for the job never stopped me from wasting everyone’s time before!
These guys are probably the right people.
So… er… Texas!
Race 1: The Genesys 300
The Lead-Up
Everything being bigger in Texas, IndyCar served up a double helping of 200+ lap, 200+ mi/h superspeedway racing on Fort Worth’s 1.5 miler. Championship leader Alex Palou entered the season’s first oval round defending his narrowed lead from the previous weekend’s winner Colton Herta, a resurgent Will Power, and the inevitable Scott Dixon. This was important, because rather than confounding us all with twin-lapped split-race qualifying insanity, the impending threat of “weather” meant that we were treated with a different kind of insanity: gridding the races by the championship table and giving Scott Dixon two chances to start closer to the front than was necessary.
This became doubly critical, as the Texas Motor Speedway we all know and love is still buried under NASCAR’s Mysterious Grip Obliterator, the ironically named PJ1 TrackBite, leaving us with a weekend of single-groove racing.
Your guess is as good as mine! The material safety data sheet for PJ1 TrackBite, formerly known as VHT TrackBite, doesn’t list its proprietary organic components. However, in an ironically unflattering throwback to NASCAR’s roots, the material’s brainfather PJ Harvey has indicated that prepping PJ1 with impure methanol can lead to undesirable results. As NASCAR legend and possible methanol expert Rapid Roy Hall may have said, “You gotta be careful pickin’ yer distributors, boy.” Or as IndyCar legend AJ Foyt almost certainly never said, “Diaminomaleonitrile, son! In my day we didn’t even have grip!”
Whether we like it or not, PJ1 is going to be a reality at Texas Motor Speedway for the time being.
Better Than: Phoenix International Raceway’s single groove
Not As Good As: Auto Club Speedway’s five lanes
Wait for It: PJ1 TrackBiteBite
The Race
Egghead ramblings aside, the race itself was fairly straightforward; Scott Dixon assumed the lead from early on and held it for pretty much all the freakin’ way, though Kiwi compatriot Scott McLaughlin recorded the best result of his IndyCar career coming home in second, while Fighting Mexican Ninja Duck Pato O’Ward rounded out the podium. Elsewhere, championship leader Alex Palou lost this honour with a still-commendable fourth-place finish, Josef Newgarden managed sixth after unceremoniously nosing the luckless Sebastien Bourdais into the wall, and Graham Rahal had another ironic go at intimidating the weekend’s second-most unpopular Harvey, Meyer-Shank Racing upset king Jack. While Rahal wasn’t espousing the virtues of oval racing safety with all the nerve of an angry Steak ‘n’ Shake line cook this time, I don’t suspect Harvey took him any more seriously.
So in 212 laps, we were given 212 more reasons this guy just isn’t going away quietly.
This is actually from last year. You probably couldn’t tell, but I couldn’t pass up the “WINNER” sign.
Better Than: IndyCar iRacing on Ovals
Not As Good As: The 2016 Firestone 600
Wait for It: The Indianapolis 500
Race 2: The Xpel 375
The second Texas race was notable for three things.
Thing the First: IndyCarnage
The drivers gave us the best Xpel pun of all.
On his two-night stand[-in], Pietro Fittipaldi misjudged the race start and plowed into poor Sebastien Bourdais, starting a chain reaction which ended with Conor Daly involuntarily auditioning for the Air Force. While for the second time this year we were all thankful the aeroscreen exists, for a sport whose fans claim they don’t like the crashes, articles that focus on them sure seem to hog all the shares on Racer.
Better Than: Any crash that injured someone
Not as Good As: Rossi “accidentally” walling Rahal at St. Pete, ostensibly for fun
Wait for It: Santino Ferrucci at the Indy 500
Thing the Second: Paul Tracy Singing on Live TV
Yes, you read that correctly. During a plug for the ambiguously named America’s Got Talent, we were shown that, in fact, so does Canada, as we were treated to the sultry, melodious crooning of one Paul Tracy.
Actual images from outside the NBC corporate office as Tracy sang on air.
OK, so maybe it wasn’t worthy of being on an Eagles reunion album. Jack Harvey’s engine certainly didn’t think so. But for most of us, I think it could have been summed up rather like Melody Maker’s review of
self-indulgent Roger Waters rock opera The Wall: "I'm not sure whether it's brilliant or terrible, but I find it utterly compelling.”
Better Than: Nickelback, obviously
Not as Good As: Nails on a chalkboard, also obviously
Wait for It: Leigh Diffey’s upcoming LP
Thing the Third: Pato Breaks His Duck
After a race full of borderline reckless passes fueled by the barely-tempered bravado of youth, Young Mexican Superstar Duckhands McNinjaface (TAKE THAT ROSS) roared into victory lane to claim the most inevitable first win since Colton Herta rocked up a few years ago (oddly enough, also in Texas). Pato basically absorbed all of the excitement we had for this race, amplified it, and channeled it into some of the best high-speed driving we’ve seen in years. This kid was already on everyone’s radar, but now, you can be sure he’s… well… even more on everyone’s radar.
Yee-haw, y’all.
Better Than: Carlos Huertas’ maiden victory
Not as Good As: Pato’s first championship will be
Wait for It: A call from Roger Penske
The Standings (after 4/16 rounds)
NTT IndyCar Series
1st – Scott Dixon (153 pts)
2nd – Pato O’Ward (131 pts)
3rd – Alex Palou (127 pts)
4th – Josef Newgarden (116 pts)
5th – Graham Rahal (107 pts)
6th – Simon Pagenaud (102 pts)
7th – Colton Herta (100 pts)
8th – Scott McLaughlin (99 pts)
9th – Will Power (99 pts)
10th – Jack Harvey (90 pts)
IndyCar Fantasy Challenge Driven by Firestone
1st – Dolph with Wheel Power (582 pts)
2nd – Afterburner Autosport (570 pts)
3rd – The_Christina (568.25 pts)
4th – Lilynator (552.75 pts)
5th – Alpine Colada (542.25 pts)
6th – Clrnc Racing (539.75 pts)
7th – Players Team H0Rsythe (536.5 pts)
8th – Coke Lot Fiasco (530.75 pts)
9th – Muppet (529.75 pts)
10th – tpatricio (520.25 pts)
Remember everyone, it’s May–with this race, points for Indy 500 qualifying, and double points in the Indy 500 itself, an assload of points are up for grabs over the next two weeks.
OK, OK, but What Should We Expect This Weekend?
If you were busy pondering life’s important questions, like how many points are actually in an assload, or whether or not the ass used to measure an assload is as variable as the horse used to measure horsepower, or, “How the hell did Marco Andretti race for 15 years in IndyCar without once being sponsored by Marco’s Pizza?”, you were probably wondering what you should be prepared to see this race! With three races here last year, we have plenty to evaluate. Penske’s record here would make it hard to bet against anyone in its stable–the resurgent Simon Pagenaud, the Young American Josef Newgarden, or recent IMS ringer Will Power. Scott Dixon and Colton Herta will surely be in the mix after standout performances in 2020, and former Meyer-Shank stealth-pick Jack Harvey frequently ran well here last year, too. But this is IndyCar, where we’re always one stray fox away from a total restructuring of our reality. If the chaos is too much for you, Ov will be along with the tarot and probably at least one or two belated references to The Wicker Man, sort of like the songs that didn’t get onto The Wall and subsequently became The Final Cut (Ov help me you must have at least one).
Spotter Guides! Get Yer Red-Hot Spotter Guides Right Here!
I Scavenged Wikipedia and I Learned…
- In addition to “Global Medical Response”, GMR also represents a short-lived and long-since defunct gaming magazine
- The subsidiary company AMR is also the inventively-named safety-team sponsor “American Medical Response”, not the underperforming Formula One team
- With 3 wins apiece, Simon Pagenaud and Will Power are the only IndyCar drivers to have won on this circuit in the Month of May
- Similarly, Scott Dixon is the only IndyCar driver to have done so in July
- Sting Ray Robb won all three of the 2020 Indy Pro 200 races at this track
- Yes, I added that just so I had an excuse to write “Sting Ray Robb”
- Super Aguri was once victorious in a support race here in 2007; the driver was Hideki Mutoh
- The sum of all the May dates on which this race has been run thus far is 84.
- “84” backwards is “48”, the number currently run by–oh shit he’s back isn’t he
It’s May
This weekend marks the start of IndyCar’s most important month–two big races which will give us a clearer picture of what to expect for the rest of the year. Will we see IndyCar’s youth movement charge into IMS and put a new face on the Borg Warner? Will one of our familiar faces claim a long-overdue win at the speedway? Will a former winner notch up another “W”? Will I ask any more meaningless hype-filled questions about this weekend? You can be sure something is going to happen–and if this season is anything to go by, you’ll want to be tuned into the action at IMS when it does. Let’s go racing at Indy!
We’ll Miss You, Uncle Bobby
